How do you avoid life? In my case it was (amongst other things) alcohol. Isnt it funny, how we endure pain and suffering, humiliation and violation of our deepest values just so we can afford some time off where we can not think, not live, for a moment. I remember, when I was smoking cigarettes, it was like claiming a break that no-one could take from me. A rebellious act of independence. I used alcohol in order to shut down thoughts and „claim back“ my brain by making it foggy. To stop the thought-carrousel. Curiously, all this avoidance of life made me fear death even more. On the peak of it all I had anxiety and even some panic attacks. Then this quote hit me hard: „The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A (hu)man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.“ Mark Twain It made so much sense. Because I was wasting my life with things that (secretly) don’t matter to me, I felt more and more anxious and fearful of death. Nowadays I still catch myself browsing through soci